The Apprentice 2016: Week 3 Review

16 candidates sitting in the boardroom,

16 candidates sitting in the boardroom,

And if one of the candidates should be told ‘you’re fired’

There’ll be 15 candidates sitting in the boardroom

Week 3 and we have a food manufacturing task (isn’t this one usually towards the end, like task 9 or 10?). Something that you think would favour Sausage Man and GBBD, but then you hear that they’ll be creating sweets. Oh.

5am, and Smug Git answers the phone. Drury Lane Theatre Royal, 30 mins. Paul calls his team losers as he tells them to get up, and the lesser spotted Frances chides ‘Karthik, you’ve got 30 mins’. To his credit, Special K stood still then meekly replied ‘yes’ *’yes mom’ he means*.

At the theatre: the tenuous task link this week is that ‘Charlie & the Chocolate Factory’ is playing at the theatre, although LAS seems to think that Willy Wonka was the main character *methinks he only saw the Johnny Depp version*. The candidates’ mission this time is to design and manufacture their own range of sweets, selling to public and trade in Brighton.

GBBD, Jess and Trishna move to Titans, whilst Sausage Man, Paul, Special K and McEye head over to Nebula *don’t worry guys, Paul will be getting his own nickname by the end of this ep*; GBBD and Sausage Man are appointed as PMs by LAS due to their food production experience.

GBBD tells her team that she’s a self-taught chocolatier, and that Brighton people like ‘unusual’ stuff so goes for cocktail flavours. Sausage Man on the other hand likes traditional sweets, and decides on a ‘by the seaside’ theme *albeit with some dissent from Paul*. He does also struggle to say the word ‘pitching’ when trying to tell McEye what he’s doing *ah yes, trying to soften the blow for the rest of the team given how bad McEye’s pitch was last time*. He attempts to put Paul with the trade team, but Paul tells him he wants to be in the kitchen to be near him *keep an eye on him more like*. Sofiane tells GBBD that he’s not comfortable in the kitchen as his wife does the cooking, and she duly disappoints feminists everywhere and appoints him as sub-team leader, Trishna and Teen Titan aren’t happy.

The teams head to confectioners’ kitchens. On Titans: Jess says ‘pillows would be biggest profit margin’, GBBD goes with pillows and toffees. For Nebula: Sausage Man likes rock, and Frances wants to go for fudge but Grainne tells her that it’s about what the public want rather than what she wants. *see the start of the bitch edit Grainne gets this episode* Sausage Man goes with the fudge.

Flavours: cappuccino for the toffee, and strawberry/champagne for the pillows (Titans/GBBD). Salt and vinegar fudge and ice cream flavour rock (Nebula/Sausage Man).

In the kitchen and poor Sausage Man is having trouble making the sticks of rock. Grainne forcefully steps in to help, but Frances and Paul are busy bitching at the back, with Frances wondering how Sausage Man can make sausages but not rock. Over at Titans, Jess and Dillon are working the pillow machine *that just sounds wrong, I’m sorry*, and on the whole they seem to be getting on well with it.

Titan sub-team of Sofiane, Teen Titan and Trishna head out to Brighton & Hove Albion FC to try and make a corporate sale. Sofiane gets off to a bad start making out as if he’ll definitely get an order, and gets the clients’ backs up further by trying to charge above their stated maximum of £300 (33% above in fact). The client tells him that he’s not listening to them, Teen Titan asks Sofiane if he wants him to step in, and Sofiane agrees. Teen Titan comes in with a reasonable offer of 190 units at £307 (around £1.61 per unit), so still above their maximum by not by much; but he’s countered with 160 units for £300, which he has to accept.

Rebecca is leading the pitch at a winery for Nebula’s trade team. £75 for 50 bags is offered by McEye, which is branded reasonable by the client. Grainne is taking over in the kitchen, but the team keep interrupting Sausage Man whilst he’s trying to talk to the other team, so he doesn’t find out how many units the trade team got.

GBBD has a breakdown (for the second week in a row) after one of the machines doesn’t work, JD and Samuel comfort her. The team decide to change the moulds to make sure they got the sweets for the football club ready on time.

Titans have called their sweets ‘Guiltees’, Sofiane doesn’t like the baby pink of the logo but Teen Titan says it’s on trend. Nebula have called theirs ‘Suck it and Sea’, which has blue and white packaging.  Sausage Man is being blindsided by Karren and Frances over the pricing, and Special K doesn’t want to go to trade, so Paul offers to go instead. Sofiane asks GBBD for someone to join his team, JD offers to go.

Sofiane is told at the football club that the sweets didn’t match what they agreed but the client agrees to buy. Sausage Man and Special K do a comedy skit to try and entice people to buy their sweets (‘What should I do Karthik?’ ‘Suck it and see!’ *it just sounds so wrong*), the team are all selling at different prices, but they are selling. GBBD struggles for sales and proclaims ‘I literally just repulse people, I repulse them!’ The winery try the sweets, and McEye offers them another 50 bags but then agrees to sell the whole lot (so 100 bags) for £107 *this was after Rebecca tried to negotiate the 100 bags for £120*; so 50 extra bags for another £32. Paul is not happy about this *but all he was doing here was packing the van, he can’t really talk. Also, although they lost 40p from their original price per unit from Mukai’s deal, they would only have gained an extra 10p from Rebecca’s price, so they were on to a loser from the start*.

GBBD has a team huddle and decides to sell at 2 for £6. They are selling but Samuel decides to change the price to 2 for £7 (GBBD almost has another breakdown over this, worried that people would come back who Samuel had sold to saying they had seen them cheaper elsewhere – for £1? Whoever did that would be a Scrooge of the highest order). Over on their trade team, Sofiane says sell high to trade, Teen Titan contradicts him but is told ‘stick to my plan, don’t interrupt’ *see someone else who is starting to get a villain edit*. Sofiane hounds the vendor until he agrees a sale, then insists to start high and then go low like he did in task 1.

Smug Git meanwhile is leading a pitch at a shop, but she gets the prices mixed up and McEye jumps in to save her. McEye does get the sale for the rock but not the fudge. Paul is stood outside whilst this is going on, looking through the window of the shop and wondering why it’s taking so long *you and me both my dear, you and me both*

Teen Titan and Sofiane agree a deal, Rebecca fails on fudge. McEye also fails to sell some fudge.. Samuel and Jess seen selling. GBBD calls Sofiane asking for the trade team to head over to her, but Sofiane wants to go back to trade and promptly cuts off the call when she asks what stock they still have. Teen Titan and JD disagree with what he’s done, and Teen Titan forces Sofiane to call GBBD to tell her what they still have. Special K is seen selling fudge, and he thinks he’s the best salesman in the universe *of course he does, see, I told you he has to be special at all times*

Frances gets a sale, and GBBD starts a firesale for the remaining stock *exactly like week 1 then*. Paul chucks the remaining box of fudge as he leaves a shop, Smug Git calls it all a disaster. Paul rants but McEye tries to blame him. Paul says he stood back, calls McEye ‘crap’ and walks off *henceforth Paul shall now be known as The Incredible Sulk, and to be fair, he had shades of this last week too*

In the BR: Nebula – Grainne jumps in when Sausage Man is confused about what they did in the kitchen *no change there then*. Sausage Man admits he was more of an Oompa Loompa than Willy Wonka. McEye explains the sale to the winery, but Incredible Sulk contradicts him when he tries to make out he made the second sale for the initial price of £120. Karren corrects Sausage Man when he tried to say he made the decision to move Incredible Sulk over to the trade team on day 2, and he is also struggling to say what their pricing strategy was. His team say he was not a good PM *you didn’t allow him to be though did you guys?*. Titans – Jess trying to explain their sales strategy, has to stop for water *another episode of ‘The Galloping Conversationalist’ concludes*. Claude tells Sofiane he irritated the football club *think he already knew this as GBBD warned him not to go after them for more money on day 2*. Samuel getting called out on changing the price, but LAS seems to somewhat agree with what Samuel did *as do I actually*. Sofiane called out on not heading back to GBBD when she asked him to. GBBD is called a good PM by her team.

Titans - £1215.09 sales, £429.43 spent = £785.66 profit

Nebula - £822.83 sales, £207.75 spent = £615.08 profit

Titans treat: trampolining and parkour *Jeez I’d rather lose if the prizes are this awful*

Over at the Café of Shattered Delusions with Nebula: Incredible Sulk says all went wrong when Sausage Man became PM *blame LAS for that, not Oliver. Bet you won’t though will you?*. McEye blames Smug Git for mixing up the pricing, Incredible Sulk agrees *good point boys, although McEye did still get a sale despite that*. Smug Git blames Incredible Sulk for not making a sale *again, good point. Why was he left outside both times rather than with the team?*. Sausage Man says you can’t be in two places at once *that’s what your sub-team leader is for, who was it on this team actually? Don’t think it was mentioned at all beforehand but I’m guessing Mukai?*

In losers’ BR: Sausage Man mixes up pricing again, he admits he didn’t set any prices in stone. He blames the trade team, and LAS tells them that the lucrative product was the fudge but none of it was sold. Rebecca blames McEye for that, Sausage Man points out that his side of the team sold all their fudge *1 point to Hufflepuff*. LAS calls out McEye for making a sale for less money than initially agreed, Smug Git basically says ‘told you so’. Smug Git was asked what she did on the task *aside from getting prices mixed up of course*, Incredible Sulk mentioned for not selling. Smug Git reckons Sausage Man is afraid of Incredible Sulk *well he does look like a rugby player after all*, while McEye blames her for getting the pricing wrong. Sausage Man decides to bring back Incredible Sulk and McEye.

LAS aside with Karren and Claude: Sausage Man – basic fundamentals not grasped, Claude says has strong business acumen *where was the evidence of that?* but couldn’t manage his team *rather, they didn’t let him manage them*. McEye – Karren says has air of superiority *you’re telling me, if it wasn’t for the fact that Aleksandra was already christened Smug Git then that would have been my name for Mukai*. Incredible Sulk – Karren says bright guy but lacked energy.

In final 3 BR: Incredible Sulk brought back as he made no sales, Sausage Man says he still sold even though he was the PM *LAS says he’s waffling but he made a good point there* and also brought him back because of his disagreement with McEye, but Incredible Sulk claims that it didn’t upset the team. He then goes on to argue that Sausage Man was carried through the task and that he, Frances and Grainne were the ones making decisions *Grainne yes, but the only decision you made Paul was that you wanted to be in the kitchen team initially to be near Oliver (see why I think Paul’s the next Neil Clough in the making?), and after that you offered, repeat, offered, to go over to the trade team on day 2, where you did sweet FA as far as I’m concerned. As for Frances, when did she make any decisions as they weren’t shown here?* Sausage Man says that he didn’t want to bring in McEye but the sub-team leader has to look over that part of the team *oh so it was McEye after all?*, and states that LAS needs someone who can sell, but LAS points out that Sausage Man didn’t sell *hold up, didn’t you say earlier that he did? Or at least only Paul was called out for not selling. Methinks either bad editing there or LAS made some BS up to fire someone, which wouldn’t surprise me*. 

LAS summary: Sausage Man – taking his word on his own business, wonders then why he failed here; Incredible Sulk – alarm bells from aides on his mood during this task as he has no time for it; McEye – has an explanation for everything but this one doesn’t add up.

Sausage Man is told that his best hope for £250k is to buy a scratchcard, and is FIRED. McEye told that he’s not far behind and to explain why he shouldn’t be fired also, but both remaining candidates are told to go back to the house.

Taxi: Sausage Man feeling upbeat, says that maybe he’s not ruthless enough, but he has learned a lot that he can put into practice with his own business.

Back at the house, the other candidates reckon Sausage Man and Incredible Sulk would come back; Special K is surprised that McEye returned.

My take: Oliver went, but I’m surprised Mukai didn’t go instead. 2 weeks in a row where really he should have been fired. I did feel for Oliver as it seemed like his team (and Karren) were ganging up on him: Grainne, Frances and Paul in particular (funny how Paul mentioned these 3 were the ones making decisions). Oliver made a good point when he said that his team had sold all their fudge but the trade team hadn’t. I actually agree with Jamie and Konnie on YF that Oliver shouldn’t have gone. Yes he was flustered and indecisive, but some of his team were trying to take over and wouldn’t let him speak to the trade team to get their numbers, saying he needed to concentrate on what was happening in the kitchen. Well if he doesn’t get the numbers then how will he know how much stock needs to be saved for that deal? I thought though that he made the wrong decision in bringing Paul back rather than Aleksandra, and I wonder if she might have gone instead if she were brought back. Mukai did have to keep jumping in to save her when she muddled up the prices (actually, when Oliver was blasted for not knowing his prices, he should have said something like ‘well Aleksandra didn’t know either and she was trying to sell to trade’), and I don’t know, we haven’t really seen all that much of her. We have seen our villains of the series tonight though: Grainne, Paul and Sofiane. Paul should have stepped up to help out the trade team on day 2, not just looked through a window (although why did they let Aleksandra keep pitching when she didn’t know the prices?). Sofiane let his week 1 success get to his head – he allowed Courtney to help when it was looking like they were going to lose the sale at the football club (day one), but then Sof shut him down on day two. Courtney looks like he could be a contender too: he did manage to convince Sofiane to call Alana back to tell her how much stock they had left. Grainne just kept trying to take over in the kitchen, and jumping in in the boardroom, I’m getting slight Selina vibes from her……

Next week: the candidates are let loose in high-end department store Liberty of London, where they have to run a personal shopper service and also launch and sell their own product line. I already feel sorry for the people who were shopping there whilst this task was filmed…..

Tonight’s cast:

The firee: Sausage Man

Dead Man Walking: McEye

The Incredible Sulk: Paul

The One that Got Away: Smug Git

The Breakdown: GBBD

‘Do as I say’: Sofiane

The Challenger: Teen Titan

The Coup de Fail: Grainne

The Pillow Makers: Jess and Dillon

The Comforters: JD and Samuel

Talked a fair bit but nothing concrete: Rebecca

The One Line and Done: Frances

The Forgotten: Trishna 

Strictly Come Dancing 2016: Week 4 Review

Style stakes: both awesome (Tess clashing with Gio’s shirt as they walked down), think Tess just wins

Darcey still is like ‘so I grimace, then do some armography like Gio showed me…..’; *sigh* just can’t do natural that woman.

Love all female outfits apart from Naga, Greg & Nat really clash. Anastacia,  Laura & Gio probs my favourites. Pash looks awful.

Greg & Natalie – Salsa – “Wrapped Up” 

1.       INJURY PORN!

2.       Nat’s reaction  to Olly visiting was brilliant – meme material

3.       Tricks were great (the lift into another lift was particularly awesome), just too much preparation for that final one, but understandable in the circumstances

4.       Agreed with Craig and Len on the footwork (feet turned out and too heavy), but the shoulder shimmies were good.

5.       Stop singing Greg! (In the dances) In the Claud 9 was fine

6.       STARFISH IS BACK!

My score: 6.75

Laura & Giovanni – Quickstep – “Ballroom Blitz” 

1.       Haha Gio being scared of her dog! Loved the 10 though

2.       Her head position didn’t look quite right (thanks Len, I thought it might be overextended like Claudia), out of time 2-3 times in kicks section on stage, seemed to forget what was coming next at points, lost frame slightly on occasion (hand position collapsed towards the end)

3.       Footwork generally pretty good

4.       Surprised Darcey and Len were the ones to critique it, hmmm.

5.       Probably about right score-wise, especially compared to Greg

My score: 7.5

Anastacia & Brendan – Rumba – “The Way We Were” 

1.       Yes! Anastacia ad-libbing to ‘I’m Outta Love’. I’m getting so much footage for an end-of-series highlights reel here

2.       Best dance yet: arms were flowing and beautiful, leg extensions perfect; she’s clearly been working on her lines. Confident performance

3.       Couldn’t always see hip action, and some of the Rumba walks looked a little heavy. Transition into end position a little clunky

4.       Disagree with Len on lack of content, it wasn’t ‘Bond Rumba’ lacking.

5.       Undermarked for me: c’mon Craig she was better than Greg! Think 29/30 would have been about right.

My score: 7.25

Claudia & AJ – Foxtrot – “I Really Like You” 

1.       If you have to wear a headband AJ then you need to cut your hair!

2.       Could they be any more patronising to poor Claud?

3.       Lost balance on occasion, needs to watch hand position. Footwork great as Len mentioned. Craig knows nothing!

4.       Think AJ’s been watching Kevin routines, the choreography seems very ‘Kev-like’

5.       Undermarked, as I said before, CRAIG KNOWS NOTHING. Also, is that a real phone in AJ’s shirt pocket?

My score: 8

Ed & Katya – Paso Doble – “Holding Out for a Hero” 

1.       Love the Shrek homage in the beginning

2.       How NOT to do a Paso Doble I’m afraid.

3.       He completely lost it and couldn’t remember the routine. It was obvious that they were improvising in parts.

4.       No Bruno, not traffic warden; he was playing an imaginary guitar.

5.       Darcey doing her version of ‘all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order’. And to think she was so pleased with herself for ‘balls-up’ *sigh*

6.       Anastacia loved it, think that’s nuff said. Can’t believe the judges went so high. Aww group hug.

My score: 3.5

Naga & Pasha – Charleston – “Minnie the Mermaid”

1.       I see Russell Grant’s seashell is back.

2.       I’ve thought this for the last few weeks, and my family agreed: she’s better when she’s dancing on her own.

3.       Performance was fun, she did lose timing and forget the steps occasionally, but I think this was her best dance. Hoho, yes Len, you tell Craig!

4.       Undermarked for me, thank you Brendan.

My score: 7

Louise & Kevin – Foxtrot – “Tears Dry on their Own”

1.       And beginning/end of Ben & Kristina’s Friends Quickstep is here.

2.       Bit too much out of hold for me, but I agreed with Len on the footwork, that looked faultless on my viewing. And that dress would show any flaws foot-wise.

3.       Undermarked for me, think it was better than Laura’s. I expected about 35 (with Darcey giving the 8)

My score: 8.25

Danny & Oti – Quickstep – “I Won’t Dance” 

1.       WOW!

2.       No faults in the footwork that I could spot; Oti was so brave getting him to shadow her blindly in that beginning section.

3.       I thought he went wrong in one place too, whilst he was travelling down towards the centre at the front (about halfway through)

4.       Hmm, did think that might get a 10 as I thought that was better than his Paso.

My score: 9.75

Daisy & Aljaz – Rumba – “Careless Whisper” 

[RECYCLED SONG ALERT: series 1 - Chris & Hanna]

1.       I do hate this song, so when I do my rewatch, I might just have to mute it.

2.       Hmm, it looked good in the training video; but not so much here. Her footwork was good, but she did lose the flow on the arms and hands sometimes. She did seem hesitant as well, can see what Craig means on the chemistry.

3.       Lost balance on that ending spin

4.       A little overmarked for me, Craig’s score about right but then they overmarked Greg so….

My score: 7

Rinder & Oksana – VW – “Boom Bang a Bang” 

1.       Who was Len talking about there?

2.       Undermarked, better than Greg.

3.       Footwork was great, arms and hands were almost there, just needs to flow a tad more.

My score: 7.25

Lesley & Anton – Charleston – “Charleston with Me”

1.       Another cracking routine there Anton (I know they get outside help but it looked like an Anton routine)

2.       Just some timing issues, but she had lots of swivel, characterisation was great. Totally agree with Craig there.

3.       Loved Anton’s little dance when they reached Claud 9

4.       Brilliant scores, Anton getting over 30 is always an achievement.

My score: 7.75

Ore & Joanne – Jive – “Runaway Baby” 

[RECYCLED SONG ALERT: series 9  - Holly & Artem, series 11 - Patrick & Anya]

1.       I liked the fact that the band changed the pitch of the song, made the dance work so much better with the theme

2.       Thought Ore lost some timing towards the end, but the footwork was sublime, lovely shadowing there. Jo went full throttle on this, and good on her as he totally lived up to it.

3.       He just needs to watch his face as he shows too much when he’s concentrating.

4.       Standing ovation from Bruno as they were heading up the stairs, nice touch.

5.       3 10s, well deserved for me (based on judges scoring tonight, but would have put Danny on same score). Loved how Gio and AJ went to hug Jo, nice camaraderie between them all. Brendan shouting ‘we need tissues!’ and then he got distracted by something on the ceiling of Claud 9 whilst the barbershop quartet were doing their thing.

My score: 9.75

My Leaderboard:

=1. Danny & Oti, Ore & Joanne - 39

3. Louise & Kevin - 33

4. Claudia & AJ - 32

5. Lesley & Anton - 31

6. Laura & Giovanni - 30

=7. Anastacia & Brendan, Rinder & Oksana - 29

-9. Naga & Pasha, Daisy & Aljaz - 28

11. Greg & Natalie - 27

12. Ed & Katya - 14

The Apprentice 2016: Week 2 Review

17 candidates sitting in the boardroom,

17 candidates sitting in the boardroom,

And if one of the candidates should be told ‘you’re fired’

There’ll be 16 candidates sitting in the boardroom

So week 2 and it’s the return of the advertising task that saw Tricky Dicky claim a PM win and acclaim from LAS last year. This time, they’re advertising clothing, jeans to be precise. Will they be ‘jean genies’ or will they be ‘the dregs of the jean pool’? *I am so sorry*

The ep starts with Alana being the one to answer the call of doom, and is told to meet LAS at the Instituto Marangoni and that the cars would be there in 20 minutes. Jess’ response to this (to slump back down on the bed whilst having an eye mask on) is exactly mine, and further exemplifies why I love her. One of the boys comes close to showing us the crack in his armour (JD I believe), whilst Teen Titan (who has very good bed hair I must say, he should keep it more like that) calls this display ‘a lovely view’ *hmm, he might just have some humour* and Special K is seen blocking said view from the bed alongside. McEye informs the others that the Instituto Marangoni is a fashion school *10 points to Ravenclaw*; and Teen Titan outlines his fashion credentials by telling us that you should wear brown shoes as ‘you only wear black to a funeral’, to which Special K replies ‘I am going to a funeral… of the other team’. This series is going to be comedy central, I can just tell.

The fashion school is situated, oddly enough, on Fashion Street *cue jokes about what other streets should be renamed, Downing St is probably the popular one* nice Italian accent from the narrator though *swoon*. Many mannequins, both clothed and unclothed, some with a full body and some that are just one body part, are being moved around the building on a hook/pulley system *how LAS didn’t make a joke about being in a room full of dummies I still don’t understand*. You see LAS walk down the steps and even the mannequins have stopped for him. He informs the candidates that the building used to be a textile factory, and that their task has ‘a lot to do with fashion’ *foreshadowing here that it isn’t actually about fashion at all*. He’ll be providing them with their product (jeans made from Japanese denim), and wants them to come up with an advertising campaign for them. They’ll be pitching to some ‘leaders in the… jeans business’ *even he didn’t know what to call them*, as well as some top advertising executives. At least one of the losing team will be fired, or as LAS says ‘hung out to dry… like one of those things there’ *where was Teen Titan to save him this time?*

The narrator states that the teams have 2 days to design their brand, shoot a TV advert, and design a digital screen that the public can interact with *funny how this was the example that they used, the girl had a pretty face but she looked awful from the back. This was essentially what the girls came up with, whilst the boys….. erm, I’ll tell you later*

In the cars, Special K offers himself as being the best model for their video *suspension of disbelief required*, Dillon suggests he wears dungarees and nothing else, which Sofiane elaborates on by saying they have to be really tight as well. Special K doesn’t seem to notice they’re joking and rebuffs that idea as his chest is too hairy. He then backs this up by telling us that if he wanted to be like everyone else, then he would have plucked his monobrow *there are no words*. In the car, the boys try to persuade Special K by saying that they’ll wax him, to which he replies ‘nobody is touching my hair!’ *Was it just me, or did he sound like Raj from Big Bang Theory there?*. His talking head finishes with him deluding himself: ‘I don’t want to be like everyone else, everyone else wants to be like me’ *yeah, if you say so*. Back in the car, Special K elucidates on his ‘no hair touching’ rule and states they can’t touch his eyebrows, his chest (both with pointing gestures), ‘and certainly not anywhere else’ he says whilst pointing towards his crotch *I’m not even making this up, so this is just a little freaky*

11am now, and the teams enter their HQ at ad agency Rainey Kelly (ie Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe) *Why is there what looks like a random animal wearing a green snood behind the chair that Dillon’s sitting in? What on earth is THAT?* On Nebula, Rebecca says to the group that her skills lie in branding, and advertising and marketing *Jess’ face here says ‘no they don’t, love’* and that it’s what she does every day. Jess then pipes up that she has a fashion brand, that she ‘doesn’t do the visual side of branding’ but that she ‘brands everyday’ – seeing as this task basically is the visual side of branding, this is the biggest lot of BS I’ve heard in a while and I’m surprised that she’s not called out on it. Rebecca attempts to smooth things with Jess by suggesting that whoever gets PM then the other could be sub-team leader. Jess’ response to this is ‘yeah, I’d like you to work with me’ *BURN*

 This is then put to a vote, with Alana counting 4 people voting for Rebecca: herself, Aleksandra, Rebecca, and Trishna. As it’s a 4-4 split, they’re asked to vote again, and this time Rebecca is told by Alana that she can’t vote for herself (she did last time dear and you didn’t notice, someone needs glasses). Rebecca then puts her hand down and Trishna says ‘right so, it’s Jess’. Understandably Rebecca goes ‘what?’ but Jess has started talking at that point. In an aside to camera, Rebecca feels that she’s been accidentally duped into not being PM (agreed).

McEye gets down to business as PM for Titans and sorts out who is going to be in what team without it being put to a vote. Next is the name: Teen Titan suggests ‘Emojeans’ which everyone else likes *no he doesn’t mean Emo Jeans but seems to be trying to play on Emoji*, but McEye vetoes that and imposes his own choice of name – ‘Day After Yesterday’ ie today. In an aside he says that he leads from the front, challenging and asking questions, and admits that it could be an annoyance to some people *yep, try your whole team at this point*.

Over with Nebula, they’re trying to come up with brand names and Rebecca suggests what they go with: Unclaimed. Jess tries to sort out teams, claiming Rebecca said that she was strong on packaging, but Rebecca refutes this, saying it was branding that she does every day (which is what Jess’ team would be doing). Alana and Trishna seem to be speaking up for her when Jess stops them asking them not to talk over her. Karren does an aside claiming Jess is already flustered *cue clip where she can’t remember which team is doing what*, and that maybe they’ve chosen the wrong leader.

In the cars: Jess expresses concern about Rebecca as sub-team leader *you were the one who agreed she could be, it’s your funeral* and prefers Frances or Grainne to take it up as they are strong characters *really? It’s not about who is a strong character it’s about who can manage them best*. Alana and Aleksandra talk her out of it claiming that it could destabilise the team.

Market research time: McEye wants to go to a premium shop but one of the others (Paul I believe) tells him that he might not get a broad enough spectrum of people. For the girls, they’re told that a customer would buy jeans ‘if the model looked good in them’ *how about if you look good in them? If the model looks good in them but they make you look fat then it’s not good now is it? I wanted to facepalm at this point* and ‘if the cut and feel of the fabric were nice’ *cut I agree with as that affects how you look in them, but the feel of the fabric? I do despair. When I buy jeans it’s essentially 2 questions: 1. Do I not look fat in them? And 2. Do they fit me comfortably? Only if it’s yes to both would I then buy jeans*.

McEye is concerned about pulling in ‘the right type of people’ *snob* and promptly tells a 25 year old man (who looks younger) that he’s too old for their brand! If that were me (and it could have been as I turn 25 in January but I also look much younger) I would have asked how old he was and told him that he’d struggle getting the right age as most likely they’d be at college/uni/work/home. Teen Titan also offends a young woman – Samuel asks her what sort of jeans she likes and is told that she doesn’t wear jeans much – by saying that he doesn’t think she’ll be of much use to them *raises pitchfork*. Sausage Man is struggling too.

McEye calls a meeting where Samuel tells him that it’s hard to find people of the right age. McEye looks to argue but Paul intervenes telling them that they need to stop, McEye then promises that he will find the right people *fat chance*. Paul in an aside makes a good point that McEye is only interested in McEye’s POV and that everyone else’s input is coming in a distant second *I’m getting Neil Clough vibes from this guy, so he’s one I’m going to watch*. Paul and McEye are just standing in the middle of the street and Paul tells McEye that he needs some direction, McEye doesn’t offer anything so Paul wants the both of them to leave.

At the ad agency, Dillon is leading the branding and suggests that yellow is a unisex colour, Special K disagrees saying that he’s never seen colour on jeans  *jeans are blue so….*, but JD sides with Dillon as the colour will pop when seen against the denim *good boy*. Special K continues to argue with Dillon on both the colour and the name, until Claude pipes up to inform them that they’ll miss their deadline if they carry on like this. *so of course Special K carries on* JD comes up with their strapline ‘Always Japanese. Definitely cool’, but Dillon wants to talk to the other team so calls McEye. McEye shuts him down saying he’s leaving it to him and then cuts him off *how rude and clearly something for McEye to lie about in the BR*

Over on Nebula, the girls get a little confused over what a strapline is *not a tan-line girls, something different that actually exists in the business world – although in all fairness to them I always knew it as a tag-line instead* before Rebecca comes up with ‘Claim your fit’ *which I actually thought was pretty good myself* and then ruins the brownie points she scored by then joking it was ‘claim you’re fit’ which no-one else got *enter tumbleweed*; and then she decides on grey for the background colour (not sure this will work, usually something dark looks better).

Jess and her sub-team head off to the photo shoot, but then realise that they’ve made the same mistake as they did last week: THEY’VE LOST THE BLOODY JEANS! Karren sneers at them for this *of course she does, she rarely has a different facial expression unless one of the male candidates is involved*, and shockingly Jess has a major meltdown and has to leave for 5 minutes to calm herself down *I did feel sorry for her here, it wasn’t entirely her fault, someone should have made sure the jeans were taken with them*. Trishna then calls the others to action, telling them ‘we can’t rely on her’ *MEOW*. Trishna and Aleksandra end up modelling the jeans (when they eventually arrive), and in the car, Alana (fearing they were going to lose) tries to get Jess to agree on some ideas for the advert, but Jess replies ‘you’re coming up with problems to our solutions’ *erm, what solutions are those? To come up with a solution you have to have had a problem in the first place….*

Over on Titans at the photo shoot, McEye has also lost his jeans *no sniggering back there*. When he tries to call the sub-team, Dillon is a little too busy mixing business with pleasure, and so only one model gets sent over to McEye and the team.

For some odd reason, both teams have to record something for their bus shelter interactive ad. The girls have a go at a jingle, but Dillon just makes some very odd noises *clearly still concentrating on that model from earlier* and so they miss the deadline for the interactive portion of the display. JD tries to liven the mood with ‘it’s ok, we’ll knock out a video, win the challenge, win the treat, bish bash bosh job done’ *it’s like Danny Dyer is in the room*

When both teams meet up, Special K tries to unseat Dillon as sub-team leader, but fails as McEye decides to move over to that team himself once he hears that they didn’t get the digital ad completed. Jess meanwhile decides to shuffle Alana and Rebecca, and complains that everyone keeps chipping in and clouding her vision *my love for her has just gone down a fair bit with that ponce-y remark*.

Onto the packaging, and Rebecca has gone for a beige cylinder (I get it with the name of the product, but just not exciting and too old for their target market); whilst the boys have the top of their box looking like a pair of jeans, with the inside having a lovely cherry blossom design (I loved this actually, for some reason male teams seem to do a lot better with this part of the branding/advertising task). Sausage Man reveals at this point that he’s kept a fragrance box for 15 years, which now stores mini-discs instead *thanks for that Sausage Man, well done for showing your age there with your use of ‘mini-discs’*

It’s now time to shoot the TV advert, and when the girls arrive at their ‘Japanese restaurant’, Jess kind of forgets what some of her team should be doing (she gets Grainne to do make-up but gets a little stuck when trying to remind Natalie of her duties before eventually coming up trumps with hair *well she is a hairdresser Jess…..*). Their ad starts off with their model arriving to see her friends eating sushi and proudly informing them ‘the next best thing to Japanese food is the jeans they make’ *that would be jeans THAT they make* before you see her in the toilets turning up the bottoms of the jeans, all to the unfortunately apt tune of ‘Shake it Off’ by Taylor Swift.

The boys have a bit more luck: Dillon is playing director as their guy goes round a skate park before promptly falling off his skateboard, the girl (who is on a bench nearby) is more concerned about whether his jeans are ok than him *why? Just, why?*. Special K meanwhile is being his usual special self on a wall close by, saying he feels like stripping but doesn’t want to feel as though he is ‘in a meat market with all the chicks looking at me’ *if you want to believe that, then do so*. They get down to do some editing of the vid after, with Special K hating the rough cut and wanting to spend 5 mins on his own with the tech guy *not to do THAT please* to play around with the editing suite. McEye refuses and Special K actually asks him if he’s scared *keep your fantasies in your own head please Special K, I nearly threw up after you said that*. McEye, bless him, is trying to get some feedback from the others but Special K keeps saying BS like ‘you need to be overruled, I’m overruling you’ *repeat what I just said about the fantasies*. This goes on for a while until JD (one of my favourites at the moment as he is kind of like me but a bloke instead) goes ‘Karthik for the love of god, will you stop talking?’ *#smackdown*

Bus shelter reveals and erm, where is the girls’ brand name? Oh right there it is, nestled with all the beige and grey Rebecca employed. The interactive part allows for people to upload their own selfies of them wearing the jeans, which is a pretty neat idea. The boys, well they just have Teen Titan smouldering with Dillon’s audio *aka sex noises* providing a jarring contrast. Round 1 to the girls for me.

Pitch time: Aleksandra is channelling her inner Smug Git again, saying to Jess ‘will you be comfortable being calm? Calm is key here’ and Jess responds in exactly the way I would – ‘Thanks, I didn’t realise that!’. As the girls sit in their waiting room (ie their bus shelter), Jess starts off the pitch in her usual galloping trail of conversation, before handing over to Rebecca to spout the usual advertising BS. The others thought both girls did well. Then after the ad played, it’s on to Aleksandra who is (not trying to be) patronising and going on about how the box is luxury as it’s heavy like a diamond *yeah, sure, they’ll never fall for that*. The ad execs tell them that they’re sending mixed signals as ad is geared towards the young but packaging is slanted towards the older woman.

As for the boys? Well McEye mucks up *get it? I actually did well with that one* and JD tries to charm the execs but it doesn’t really work. It also turns out that they don’t actually know what ‘unisex’ means *don’t they get a dictionary on this show at least?* so that concept goes flying out of the window. Round 2 to the girls, which probably means that the boys will win; and Paul gets angry at how Titans will lose (minor spoiler: he gets given one of my nicknames next week that kind of fits for this little episode too).

LAS gets the gossip from the experts, and at long last the candidates get to tough it out in the boardroom. Dillon gets a lashing for being so much of a perfectionist that they didn’t get the interactive portion of their bus advert done, but Special K decides he needs some attention, continuously throwing shade until even LAS has had enough, telling him to shut up and let the expert get on with it *teehee love it when LAS does this to a candidate who just won’t take the hint*. Teen Titan says the non-existent digital display was because of a lack of communication with the other sub-team, whilst McEye blames Dillon for not contacting him, until Claude points out that actually they did and he hung up on them *how this guy does not get fired I still don’t understand*

Their advert is played and Geordie Scot (ie Natalie) clearly hates it. McEye reluctantly admits that his pitch was ‘unfortunately not perfect’ *understatement of the episode*, and when LAS asks whether he was a good team leader, guess who decides to take it upon themselves to respond? (Special K of course: ‘no from my side in my humble opinion’ *mate, we knew it was your opinion when you said ‘from my side’, no need for further elaboration. Geez this is a guy who clearly doesn’t just talk for his health. Has he got a ‘Speed’ thing going where he has to say so many words a minute otherwise a bomb goes off and he will explode?*)

Over on the girls’ side, Rebecca reveals how Jess actually got to undemocratically be PM (well really it was Alana’s and Trishna’s fault); whilst Jess gallops along trying to defend things like losing the product (well they did lose their van last week too….). LAS tells her that he heard she got a bit flustered, with Smug Git jumping in to tell him ‘she fell apart’. Jess turns on her at this point and claims that it was because everyone else was undermining her.

Geordie Scot and Sausage Man both get blasted for doing Sweet FA. And LAS pulls off a shock twist by telling the candidates that it wasn’t actually about the jeans being Japanese at all, as he says no one would care about where the denim came from. Hence him not being too impressed with the girls’ digital display as it doesn’t show any jeans anywhere *kind of missed the point didn’t they?*. Angry that not one of these ‘jeaniuses’ managed to run the task in an orderly fashion, he declares there is no winner and despatches both teams off to separate Cafés of Shattered Delusions. Paul gets annoyed with McEye for being such a dimwit, and Special K blames everyone and everything except himself *this is why he’s special*. The girls? Well they live up to their bitchy stereotype with Geordie Scot calling Aleksandra patronising *see? It’s not just me and I said this last week*, whilst Jess tells Rebecca to shut up and Trishna is clutching her pearls deriding everyone for acting like little schoolgirls *it gets like that every series Trishna, it will only get worse later on*.

Back in the boardroom and the PMs each have to choose 2 people to bring in with them, making a 6 person final 3 boardroom, a historic first for this show. McEye gets 1 out of 2 right, bringing back Special K for being an annoying twit *ok, ‘disruptive’ was the word used but this was what he actually meant* and JD for….? I must admit I’m still scratching my head on that one *to quote Craig Charles when narrating Takeshi’s Castle: answers on a postcard please!*, as it was strongly hinted to bring Sausage Man back for not doing anything of note whatsoever. Jess meanwhile opts to shaft Alana for bringing problems to solutions *Jess I already explained earlier why that phrase is stupid* and Geordie Scot for being non-existent.

And so the pleas for being spared execution begin. JD does well, raising McEye’s dodgy pitch and continually slamming Special K when he keeps trying to interrupt *please let this guy stay*. Special K meanwhile changes the goalposts from blaming JD to claiming it was impossible to work with McEye as he didn’t listen to him *I wonder why that would have been?* Jess starts the narrative for next week by blasting Alana for having a face on (same sulk but different candidate in week 3), and that face is about to get worse as Alana cracks up under some criticism from LAS *in honour of her cake business she will henceforth be nicknamed the Great British Break Down, or GBBD for short*. Geordie Scot throws some shade at her telling LAS that she wouldn’t fold like a pack of cards *nice simile my dear* but gets lambasted by Karren for not contributing anything to the creative side when she said she was creative on her CV. And trying is not enough.

Special K is branded a loose cannon but does the same shtick that all the annoying twits pull at some point ‘make me PM on the next task’, and as always it works (minor spoiler: he’s not PM next task so don’t know why this was deemed acceptable). JD is told he’s staying and it’s Geordie Scot who loses the battle to stay in, telling us in the taxi that she didn’t need LAS’ money anyway *then why were you on this show? This is a woman who admits on ‘You’re Fired’ that she never watched the show before applying*. He fire-teases GBBD and Special K, but reminds himself that annoying twits must be kept in until at least top 6, ‘tis the rule.

My take: I actually thought the girls should have won that - they did the better pitch, they actually did their interactive bus ad, and the problems with their brand they could easily fix (ad not matching packaging). Whilst the boys had the better packaging, they failed to understand their concept, they failed to complete one part of their ad campaign and their PM was useless. Personally, I'm with the majority of the 'You're Fired' panel in that I don't think Natalie should have been fired (did Grainne do anything other than make-up? Did Frances actually do anything?); McEye should have gone for mucking it all up. 

Next time, the candidates have to launch their own ranges of sweets to sell to both trade and the public in Brighton. Will Special K ‘suck it and sea’? Hopefully.

Tonight’s cast:

The Firee: Geordie Scott

The marked card: Special K

The Great British Break Down: Alana

The Special K Slammer: JD

The Galloping Conversationalist: Jess

The Inept Leader: McEye

The Nearly (PM) Woman: Rebecca

The Smug Git: Aleksandra

The Smoulder: Teen Titan

The Casting Couch: Dillon

The Pearl Clutcher: Trishna

The Neil Clough/Angry Bird: Paul

The One Line and Done: Sofiane, Samuel

The Forgotten: Everyone else