17 candidates sitting in the boardroom,
17 candidates sitting in the boardroom,
And if one of the candidates should be told ‘you’re fired’
There’ll be 16 candidates sitting in the boardroom
So week 2 and it’s the return of the advertising task that
saw Tricky Dicky claim a PM win and acclaim from LAS last year. This time,
they’re advertising clothing, jeans to be precise. Will they be ‘jean genies’
or will they be ‘the dregs of the jean pool’? *I am so sorry*
The ep starts with Alana being the one to answer the call of
doom, and is told to meet LAS at the Instituto Marangoni and that the cars
would be there in 20 minutes. Jess’ response to this (to slump back down on the
bed whilst having an eye mask on) is exactly mine, and further exemplifies why
I love her. One of the boys comes close to showing us the crack in his armour
(JD I believe), whilst Teen Titan (who has very good bed hair I must say, he
should keep it more like that) calls this display ‘a lovely view’ *hmm, he
might just have some humour* and Special K is seen blocking said view from the
bed alongside. McEye informs the others that the Instituto Marangoni is a
fashion school *10 points to Ravenclaw*; and Teen Titan outlines his fashion
credentials by telling us that you should wear brown shoes as ‘you only wear
black to a funeral’, to which Special K replies ‘I am going to a funeral… of
the other team’. This series is going to be comedy central, I can just tell.
The fashion school is situated, oddly enough, on Fashion
Street *cue jokes about what other streets should be renamed, Downing St is
probably the popular one* nice Italian accent from the narrator though *swoon*.
Many mannequins, both clothed and unclothed, some with a full body and some
that are just one body part, are being moved around the building on a
hook/pulley system *how LAS didn’t make a joke about being in a room full of
dummies I still don’t understand*. You see LAS walk down the steps and even the
mannequins have stopped for him. He informs the candidates that the building
used to be a textile factory, and that their task has ‘a lot to do with
fashion’ *foreshadowing here that it isn’t actually about fashion at all*.
He’ll be providing them with their product (jeans made from Japanese denim),
and wants them to come up with an advertising campaign for them. They’ll be
pitching to some ‘leaders in the… jeans business’ *even he didn’t know what to
call them*, as well as some top advertising executives. At least one of the
losing team will be fired, or as LAS says ‘hung out to dry… like one of those
things there’ *where was Teen Titan to save him this time?*
The narrator states that the teams have 2 days to design
their brand, shoot a TV advert, and design a digital screen that the public can
interact with *funny how this was the example that they used, the girl had a
pretty face but she looked awful from the back. This was essentially what the
girls came up with, whilst the boys….. erm, I’ll tell you later*
In the cars, Special K offers himself as being the best
model for their video *suspension of disbelief required*, Dillon suggests he
wears dungarees and nothing else, which Sofiane elaborates on by saying they
have to be really tight as well. Special K doesn’t seem to notice they’re
joking and rebuffs that idea as his chest is too hairy. He then backs this up
by telling us that if he wanted to be like everyone else, then he would have
plucked his monobrow *there are no words*. In the car, the boys try to persuade
Special K by saying that they’ll wax him, to which he replies ‘nobody is
touching my hair!’ *Was it just me, or did he sound like Raj from Big Bang
Theory there?*. His talking head finishes with him deluding himself: ‘I don’t
want to be like everyone else, everyone else wants to be like me’ *yeah, if you
say so*. Back in the car, Special K elucidates on his ‘no hair touching’ rule
and states they can’t touch his eyebrows, his chest (both with pointing
gestures), ‘and certainly not anywhere else’ he says whilst pointing towards
his crotch *I’m not even making this up, so this is just a little freaky*
11am now, and the teams enter their HQ at ad agency Rainey
Kelly (ie Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe) *Why is there what looks like a random
animal wearing a green snood behind the chair that Dillon’s sitting in? What on
earth is THAT?* On Nebula, Rebecca says to the group that her skills lie in
branding, and advertising and marketing *Jess’ face here says ‘no they don’t,
love’* and that it’s what she does every day. Jess then pipes up that she has a
fashion brand, that she ‘doesn’t do the visual side of branding’ but that she
‘brands everyday’ – seeing as this task basically is the visual side of
branding, this is the biggest lot of BS I’ve heard in a while and I’m surprised
that she’s not called out on it. Rebecca attempts to smooth things with Jess by
suggesting that whoever gets PM then the other could be sub-team leader. Jess’
response to this is ‘yeah, I’d like you to work with me’ *BURN*
This is then put to a
vote, with Alana counting 4 people voting for Rebecca: herself, Aleksandra,
Rebecca, and Trishna. As it’s a 4-4 split, they’re asked to vote again, and
this time Rebecca is told by Alana that she can’t vote for herself (she did
last time dear and you didn’t notice, someone needs glasses). Rebecca then puts
her hand down and Trishna says ‘right so, it’s Jess’. Understandably Rebecca
goes ‘what?’ but Jess has started talking at that point. In an aside to camera,
Rebecca feels that she’s been accidentally duped into not being PM (agreed).
McEye gets down to business as PM for Titans and sorts out
who is going to be in what team without it being put to a vote. Next is the
name: Teen Titan suggests ‘Emojeans’ which everyone else likes *no he doesn’t
mean Emo Jeans but seems to be trying to play on Emoji*, but McEye vetoes that
and imposes his own choice of name – ‘Day After Yesterday’ ie today. In an
aside he says that he leads from the front, challenging and asking questions,
and admits that it could be an annoyance to some people *yep, try your whole
team at this point*.
Over with Nebula, they’re trying to come up with brand names
and Rebecca suggests what they go with: Unclaimed. Jess tries to sort out
teams, claiming Rebecca said that she was strong on packaging, but Rebecca
refutes this, saying it was branding that she does every day (which is what
Jess’ team would be doing). Alana and Trishna seem to be speaking up for
her when Jess stops them asking them not to talk over her. Karren does an
aside claiming Jess is already flustered *cue clip where she can’t remember
which team is doing what*, and that maybe they’ve chosen the wrong leader.
In the cars: Jess expresses concern about Rebecca as
sub-team leader *you were the one who agreed she could be, it’s your funeral*
and prefers Frances or Grainne to take it up as they are strong characters
*really? It’s not about who is a strong character it’s about who can manage
them best*. Alana and Aleksandra talk her out of it claiming that it could
destabilise the team.
Market research time: McEye wants to go to a premium shop
but one of the others (Paul I believe) tells him that he might not get a broad
enough spectrum of people. For the girls, they’re told that a customer would
buy jeans ‘if the model looked good in them’ *how about if you look good in
them? If the model looks good in them but they make you look fat then it’s not
good now is it? I wanted to facepalm at this point* and ‘if the cut and feel of
the fabric were nice’ *cut I agree with as that affects how you look in them,
but the feel of the fabric? I do despair. When I buy jeans it’s essentially 2
questions: 1. Do I not look fat in them? And 2. Do they fit me comfortably?
Only if it’s yes to both would I then buy jeans*.
McEye is concerned about pulling in ‘the right type of people’
*snob* and promptly tells a 25 year old man (who looks younger) that he’s too
old for their brand! If that were me (and it could have been as I turn 25 in
January but I also look much younger) I would have asked how old he was and
told him that he’d struggle getting the right age as most likely they’d be at
college/uni/work/home. Teen Titan also offends a young woman – Samuel asks her
what sort of jeans she likes and is told that she doesn’t wear jeans much – by
saying that he doesn’t think she’ll be of much use to them *raises pitchfork*.
Sausage Man is struggling too.
McEye calls a meeting where Samuel tells him that it’s hard
to find people of the right age. McEye looks to argue but Paul intervenes
telling them that they need to stop, McEye then promises that he will find the
right people *fat chance*. Paul in an aside makes a good point that McEye is
only interested in McEye’s POV and that everyone else’s input is coming in a
distant second *I’m getting Neil Clough vibes from this guy, so he’s one I’m
going to watch*. Paul and McEye are just standing in the middle of the street
and Paul tells McEye that he needs some direction, McEye doesn’t offer anything
so Paul wants the both of them to leave.
At the ad agency, Dillon is leading the branding and suggests
that yellow is a unisex colour, Special K disagrees saying that he’s never seen
colour on jeans *jeans are blue so….*,
but JD sides with Dillon as the colour will pop when seen against the denim
*good boy*. Special K continues to argue with Dillon on both the colour and the
name, until Claude pipes up to inform them that they’ll miss their deadline if
they carry on like this. *so of course Special K carries on* JD comes up with
their strapline ‘Always Japanese. Definitely cool’, but Dillon wants to talk to
the other team so calls McEye. McEye shuts him down saying he’s leaving it to
him and then cuts him off *how rude and clearly something for McEye to lie
about in the BR*
Over on Nebula, the girls get a little confused over what a
strapline is *not a tan-line girls, something different that actually exists in
the business world – although in all fairness to them I always knew it as a
tag-line instead* before Rebecca comes up with ‘Claim your fit’ *which I
actually thought was pretty good myself* and then ruins the brownie points she
scored by then joking it was ‘claim you’re fit’ which no-one else got *enter
tumbleweed*; and then she decides on grey for the background colour (not sure
this will work, usually something dark looks better).
Jess and her sub-team head off to the photo shoot, but then
realise that they’ve made the same mistake as they did last week: THEY’VE LOST
THE BLOODY JEANS! Karren sneers at them for this *of course she does, she
rarely has a different facial expression unless one of the male candidates is
involved*, and shockingly Jess has a major meltdown and has to leave for 5
minutes to calm herself down *I did feel sorry for her here, it wasn’t entirely
her fault, someone should have made sure the jeans were taken with them*.
Trishna then calls the others to action, telling them ‘we can’t rely on her’
*MEOW*. Trishna and Aleksandra end up modelling the jeans (when they eventually
arrive), and in the car, Alana (fearing they were going to lose) tries to
get Jess to agree on some ideas for the advert, but Jess replies ‘you’re coming
up with problems to our solutions’ *erm, what solutions are those? To come up
with a solution you have to have had a problem in the first place….*
Over on Titans at the photo shoot, McEye has also lost his
jeans *no sniggering back there*. When he tries to call the sub-team, Dillon is
a little too busy mixing business with pleasure, and so only one model gets
sent over to McEye and the team.
For some odd reason, both teams have to record something for
their bus shelter interactive ad. The girls have a go at a jingle, but Dillon
just makes some very odd noises *clearly still concentrating on that model from
earlier* and so they miss the deadline for the interactive portion of the
display. JD tries to liven the mood with ‘it’s ok, we’ll knock out a video, win
the challenge, win the treat, bish bash bosh job done’ *it’s like Danny Dyer is
in the room*
When both teams meet up, Special K tries to unseat Dillon as
sub-team leader, but fails as McEye decides to move over to that team himself
once he hears that they didn’t get the digital ad completed. Jess meanwhile
decides to shuffle Alana and Rebecca, and complains that everyone keeps
chipping in and clouding her vision *my love for her has just gone down a fair
bit with that ponce-y remark*.
Onto the packaging, and Rebecca has gone for a beige
cylinder (I get it with the name of the product, but just not exciting and too
old for their target market); whilst the boys have the top of their box looking
like a pair of jeans, with the inside having a lovely cherry blossom design (I
loved this actually, for some reason male teams seem to do a lot better with
this part of the branding/advertising task). Sausage Man reveals at this point
that he’s kept a fragrance box for 15 years, which now stores mini-discs
instead *thanks for that Sausage Man, well done for showing your age there with
your use of ‘mini-discs’*
It’s now time to shoot the TV advert, and when the girls
arrive at their ‘Japanese restaurant’, Jess kind of forgets what some of her
team should be doing (she gets Grainne to do make-up but gets a little stuck
when trying to remind Natalie of her duties before eventually coming up trumps
with hair *well she is a hairdresser Jess…..*). Their ad starts off with their
model arriving to see her friends eating sushi and proudly informing them ‘the
next best thing to Japanese food is the jeans they make’ *that would be jeans
THAT they make* before you see her in the toilets turning up the bottoms of the
jeans, all to the unfortunately apt tune of ‘Shake it Off’ by Taylor Swift.
The boys have a bit more luck: Dillon is playing director as
their guy goes round a skate park before promptly falling off his skateboard,
the girl (who is on a bench nearby) is more concerned about whether his jeans
are ok than him *why? Just, why?*. Special K meanwhile is being his usual
special self on a wall close by, saying he feels like stripping but doesn’t
want to feel as though he is ‘in a meat market with all the chicks looking at
me’ *if you want to believe that, then do so*. They get down to do some editing
of the vid after, with Special K hating the rough cut and wanting to spend 5
mins on his own with the tech guy *not to do THAT please* to play around with
the editing suite. McEye refuses and Special K actually asks him if he’s scared
*keep your fantasies in your own head please Special K, I nearly threw up after
you said that*. McEye, bless him, is trying to get some feedback from the
others but Special K keeps saying BS like ‘you need to be overruled, I’m
overruling you’ *repeat what I just said about the fantasies*. This goes on for
a while until JD (one of my favourites at the moment as he is kind of like me
but a bloke instead) goes ‘Karthik for the love of god, will you stop talking?’
*#smackdown*
Bus shelter reveals and erm, where is the girls’ brand name?
Oh right there it is, nestled with all the beige and grey Rebecca employed. The
interactive part allows for people to upload their own selfies of them wearing
the jeans, which is a pretty neat idea. The boys, well they just have Teen
Titan smouldering with Dillon’s audio *aka sex noises* providing a jarring contrast.
Round 1 to the girls for me.
Pitch time: Aleksandra is channelling her inner Smug Git
again, saying to Jess ‘will you be comfortable being calm? Calm is key here’
and Jess responds in exactly the way I would – ‘Thanks, I didn’t realise that!’.
As the girls sit in their waiting room (ie their bus shelter), Jess starts off
the pitch in her usual galloping trail of conversation, before handing over to
Rebecca to spout the usual advertising BS. The others thought both girls did
well. Then after the ad played, it’s on to Aleksandra who is (not trying to be)
patronising and going on about how the box is luxury as it’s heavy like a
diamond *yeah, sure, they’ll never fall for that*. The ad execs tell them that
they’re sending mixed signals as ad is geared towards the young but packaging
is slanted towards the older woman.
As for the boys? Well McEye mucks up *get it? I actually did
well with that one* and JD tries to charm the execs but it doesn’t really work.
It also turns out that they don’t actually know what ‘unisex’ means *don’t they
get a dictionary on this show at least?* so that concept goes flying out of the
window. Round 2 to the girls, which probably means that the boys will win; and
Paul gets angry at how Titans will lose (minor spoiler: he gets given one of my
nicknames next week that kind of fits for this little episode too).
LAS gets the gossip from the experts, and at long last the
candidates get to tough it out in the boardroom. Dillon gets a lashing for
being so much of a perfectionist that they didn’t get the interactive portion
of their bus advert done, but Special K decides he needs some attention,
continuously throwing shade until even LAS has had enough, telling him to shut
up and let the expert get on with it *teehee love it when LAS does this to a
candidate who just won’t take the hint*. Teen Titan says the non-existent
digital display was because of a lack of communication with the other sub-team,
whilst McEye blames Dillon for not contacting him, until Claude points out that
actually they did and he hung up on them *how this guy does not get fired I
still don’t understand*
Their advert is played and Geordie Scot (ie Natalie)
clearly hates it. McEye reluctantly admits that his pitch was ‘unfortunately
not perfect’ *understatement of the episode*, and when LAS asks whether he was
a good team leader, guess who decides to take it upon themselves to respond?
(Special K of course: ‘no from my side in my humble opinion’ *mate, we knew it
was your opinion when you said ‘from my side’, no need for further elaboration.
Geez this is a guy who clearly doesn’t just talk for his health. Has he got a ‘Speed’
thing going where he has to say so many words a minute otherwise a bomb goes
off and he will explode?*)
Over on the girls’ side, Rebecca reveals how Jess actually
got to undemocratically be PM (well really it was Alana’s and Trishna’s fault);
whilst Jess gallops along trying to defend things like losing the product (well
they did lose their van last week too….). LAS tells her that he heard she got a
bit flustered, with Smug Git jumping in to tell him ‘she fell apart’. Jess
turns on her at this point and claims that it was because everyone else was
undermining her.
Geordie Scot and Sausage Man both get blasted for doing
Sweet FA. And LAS pulls off a shock twist by telling the candidates that it
wasn’t actually about the jeans being Japanese at all, as he says no one would
care about where the denim came from. Hence him not being too impressed with
the girls’ digital display as it doesn’t show any jeans anywhere *kind of
missed the point didn’t they?*. Angry that not one of these ‘jeaniuses’ managed
to run the task in an orderly fashion, he declares there is no winner and
despatches both teams off to separate Cafés of Shattered Delusions. Paul gets
annoyed with McEye for being such a dimwit, and Special K blames everyone and
everything except himself *this is why he’s special*. The girls? Well they live
up to their bitchy stereotype with Geordie Scot calling Aleksandra patronising
*see? It’s not just me and I said this last week*, whilst Jess tells Rebecca to
shut up and Trishna is clutching her pearls deriding everyone for acting like
little schoolgirls *it gets like that every series Trishna, it will only get
worse later on*.
Back in the boardroom and the PMs each have to choose 2
people to bring in with them, making a 6 person final 3 boardroom, a historic
first for this show. McEye gets 1 out of 2 right, bringing back Special K for
being an annoying twit *ok, ‘disruptive’ was the word used but this was what he
actually meant* and JD for….? I must admit I’m still scratching my head on that
one *to quote Craig Charles when narrating Takeshi’s Castle: answers on a
postcard please!*, as it was strongly hinted to bring Sausage Man back for not
doing anything of note whatsoever. Jess meanwhile opts to shaft Alana for
bringing problems to solutions *Jess I already explained earlier why that
phrase is stupid* and Geordie Scot for being non-existent.
And so the pleas for being spared execution begin. JD does
well, raising McEye’s dodgy pitch and continually slamming Special K when he
keeps trying to interrupt *please let this guy stay*. Special K meanwhile
changes the goalposts from blaming JD to claiming it was impossible to work
with McEye as he didn’t listen to him *I wonder why that would have been?* Jess
starts the narrative for next week by blasting Alana for having a face on (same
sulk but different candidate in week 3), and that face is about to get worse as
Alana cracks up under some criticism from LAS *in honour of her cake business
she will henceforth be nicknamed the Great British Break Down, or GBBD for
short*. Geordie Scot throws some shade at her telling LAS that she wouldn’t
fold like a pack of cards *nice simile my dear* but gets lambasted by Karren
for not contributing anything to the creative side when she said she was
creative on her CV. And trying is not enough.
Special K is branded a loose cannon but does the same shtick
that all the annoying twits pull at some point ‘make me PM on the next task’,
and as always it works (minor spoiler: he’s not PM next task so don’t know why
this was deemed acceptable). JD is told he’s staying and it’s Geordie Scot who
loses the battle to stay in, telling us in the taxi that she didn’t need LAS’
money anyway *then why were you on this show? This is a woman who admits on ‘You’re
Fired’ that she never watched the show before applying*. He fire-teases GBBD
and Special K, but reminds himself that annoying twits must be kept in until at
least top 6, ‘tis the rule.
My take: I actually thought the girls should have won that - they did the better pitch, they actually did their interactive bus ad, and the problems with their brand they could easily fix (ad not matching packaging). Whilst the boys had the better packaging, they failed to understand their concept, they failed to complete one part of their ad campaign and their PM was useless. Personally, I'm with the majority of the 'You're Fired' panel in that I don't think Natalie should have been fired (did Grainne do anything other than make-up? Did Frances actually do anything?); McEye should have gone for mucking it all up.
Next time, the candidates have to launch their own ranges of
sweets to sell to both trade and the public in Brighton. Will Special K ‘suck
it and sea’? Hopefully.
Tonight’s cast:
The Firee: Geordie Scott
The marked card: Special K
The Great British Break Down: Alana
The Special K Slammer: JD
The Galloping Conversationalist: Jess
The Inept Leader: McEye
The Nearly (PM) Woman: Rebecca
The Smug Git: Aleksandra
The Smoulder: Teen Titan
The Casting Couch: Dillon
The Pearl Clutcher: Trishna
The Neil Clough/Angry Bird: Paul
The One Line and Done: Sofiane, Samuel
The Forgotten: Everyone else