The Rude Awakening and the Briefing:
·
5am and James answers the phone (50 points to him)
·
Stoke Park House and cars will be ’20 mins’ (we all know it's more like 2 hours, c'mon, it's like Strictly Come Dancing pretending on the results show that everything from the main show was 'last night' when the results show was actually filmed on the same night as the main show; hence I find out who's in the dance-off and who's leaving on the Saturday night)
·
We didn’t need to see Not Gok’s grey Y fronts
thanks (he loses 30 points)
·
The girls reckon that the boys won’t be able to
work together, but Harrison thinks they’ll ‘smash it’ (he loses 20 points as I HATE that phrase)
·
The hotel was apparently a setting for
Goldfinger, nice touch having an orchestral version of that song, and here comes the ‘Big Bad’ in LAS
·
Joanna doesn’t have her coat on properly (hanging off of her shoulders- she'll lose 15 points for that), and
anyone wearing a scarf improperly loses 10 points (Anisa, Michaela, Elliott, Harrison, James and I believe Sarah Jayne at the back)
·
They need to make over a room, and the task will
be based on both creativity and profit (budget of £13k)
Initial Meeting:
·
Ross wants to be sub-team leader, but the others
coerce him into being PM (he'll therefore lose 70 points for being weak)
·
The girls go for Bushra, Sarah-Jayne made
sub-team leader (although she reckons she’s been stitched up having Michaela,
Liz and Siobhan on her team) (so she therefore loses 90 points for complaining - put up and shut up missy)
·
Ross wants Jeff to be sub-team leader, but he
refuses so he gets placed with Ross (Ross gains back 20 points - 'keep your friends close and enemies closer'. Jeff loses 40 points for ducking responsibility). Jeff isn’t happy that he is being
sidelined creatively ‘how many bankers do you know who can breakdance’ with impromptu
demonstration (ok, he cannot breakdance whatsoever so 250 points lost I think).
At the hotel:
·
The girls’ sub-team start measuring, and start
scapegoating Liz (Liz gains 45 points - candidates tend to gang up on a perceived threat)
·
The boys’ sub-team (led by James) begin to think
about what items would be needed in the room and want a yellow colour scheme
(Karren shaking her head says everything) (they'll all lose 100 points for a Karren or Claude head-shake, so that is James, Andrew, Harrison and Elliott)
Designing the concept:
·
Seems that Ross and Jeff are having a bit of a
rivalry
·
The sub-teams start asking questions of the
staff – feedback: Sajan asks James about the clientele whilst Ross confirms
theme is best of British, Elliott (having clearly been listening to too much Coldplay) tells them that all of the walls at the hotel
are yellow (you know I'm going to be making puns involving the colour yellow right? Because I just did one and there'll be at least one more)
·
Bushra doesn’t initially want to make a decision
on how much to spend (she loses 40 points for that), she eventually says not to go over £5k (ok she can gain back 25 as she was specific); she also randomly
decides on a golf theme and cuts the sub-team off when they ask what colour
scheme and furniture she wants (and she'll promptly lose 95 points for a phone cut-off). Michaela promptly calls her a bell-end (150 points gained for her) and
Sarah criticises her for making a snap decision as their planning meeting was a
waste of time (agreed, so 10 points to her I say). Joanna will also automatically lose 300 points for going 'Is there a tree made of fur?' FIR tree you imbecile.
·
Sajan does a mood board – but it does not make
sense; Charles does a quick sketch (very vague) for wallpaper (don't think I can score them)
·
The girls’ mood board seems to be bogey green
and silver. Sarah is disappointed in Bushra’s decision-making (you and me both, hence you get 5 points)
In the cars:
·
James wants high-quality products, and manages
to decide on some products totalling £7652 within a few mins; 12 items for
£11200, the shop says £12700; they eventually go for £10725 and the boys
promptly argue over who got the sums wrong (spoiler: Andrew and Elliott)
·
Liz says no to products for being too expensive,
she’s told ‘you’re not PM, remember that’ (ouch, she'll lose 75 points for that). Claude blames her for buying cheap
products (£6250, she asks Michaela to get them for the £5k that Bushra stipulated, which she manages to
get) (125 points for Michaela I reckon)
·
So far: a difference of £5725 in costs. Girls
have £8000 left, boys have £2225. (the guys are screwed, we can call it now. The only way they can be redeemed is through creativity - read the task rules from earlier - and we all know that they're as creative as puns about something being 'the best thing since sliced bread')
Concept Wallpaper:
·
The boys make an abstract approach with 2 mins
to deadline (a pic of a suitcase, and a freehand drawing of Tower Bridge and
part of the London Eye) (it's still better than Sajan's mood board so he loses 60 points)
·
Bushra wants an art-deco feel with a close-up of
a golf ball, Joanna tries to come in with another idea but gets talked over by
Jade (this will run, as will the Siobhan (and everyone else) vs Liz feud)
Decorating the room:
·
Liz wants a smooth finish (steady on!) but gets blasted by
Siobhan and then Michaela (a double whammy means 30 points (2 x 15) lost)
·
The boys have some very bright paint (do they think they are at a rave? Well they must have been high when they picked those particular shades)
·
The girls scoop a golf bag and clubs (and balls)
for £305 as their statement piece
·
The boys pick a stack of suitcases – Ross disparages
the £600 price tag and the assistant initially refuses to budge (not the way to sell, he loses 70 points), but she gets
charmed by Sajan bigging them up and he snaffles them for £400. (1/3 off, I think he can claw back 95 points for that)
·
The girls have a go at Liz after it turns out
the wallpaper has been measured incorrectly ( a group argument means 45 points lost for Liz)
·
The sub-team hate the statement piece
·
The boys work together to get the room done (+45 for all of them),
whilst the girls argue, argue and argue a bit more (45 points lost for all of them)
Pitches:
·
Ross wants Jeff to go more in-depth on the
financials, Jeff reluctantly agrees (score 35 points for Ross as he was actually listened to)
·
Ross heads off with Sajan/Jeff/James
·
The hotel manager and design specialist critique
the rooms: Girls – critique the coffee table, mirror position, lighting, not
enough theme. Boys – theme not British, statement piece not practical, seat too
low, eclectic.
·
Ross pitch: fusion of travel and Britain into
one space. Sajan presents mood board, makes a point of having a yellow wall
even though Union Jack is red/white/blue (I won't dock him anything as although he'll get hounded for it, he did it to fit in with the rest of the hotel, which is good). Jeff makes a mess of the financials
(their suites go for £750 a night which is same price as their room) and James
criticised for the items not having the luxury feel of the room (Jeff and James lose 50 points each)
·
Bushra pitch: love for golf – gets blasted for
the mural, wants to follow trends but hotel manager rejects that. Sarah Jayne
talks about furnishings but gets criticised for above and lack of chest of
drawers (she'll lose 50 points); Bushra blames Sarah Jayne for the negative
feedback (and another 10 points lost for Sarah Jayne)
Boardroom:
·
Girls: not luxury and design is full of holes,
didn’t spend enough. LAS doesn’t get wallpaper, thinks it’s bubblewrap (Joanna
interjects that she said this but Jade shuts her down saying she’s only saying
this to cover her own back). Few mumbles when asked about Bushra being PM.
·
Jeff criticised for not agreeing to be on buying
side (he forgot he said this). Ross wanted ‘scarce but quality’ items, James
wasn’t told this, no set costing for furnishings. Andrew and Elliott blamed for
incorrect costings in the shop. Sajan asked on mood board, goes a bit
arty-farty and mood board is a mess. Jeff ‘did take on financial role in the
end’, Ross was a good PM say Andrew and Elliott.
·
Finances: spent £5675, profit of £7325, 56%
margin (girls); £11495 spent, £1505 profit (boys); LAS has final decision and
picks the women. Says he ‘hated it less’, off to go to a design hotel (The
Rosewood) where cartoonist Gerald Scarfe (who designed one of the rooms) will
draw their caricatures. (I would have actually gone for the guys on this one - yes their room was a technicolour yawn but at least it had some character even if it was a little lacking in practicality. The main criticism from LAS and the advisors was about it being yellow - yet the other rooms in the hotel are yellow as well? The girls had a good idea in going for a localised theme, but the execution just wasn't great. If the girls had lost, I would have thought Bushra would take Sarah Jayne and Liz into the final BR and it would have been bye bye Bushra for me.)
·
Jade reckons Joanna was disruptive (whereas Joanna reckons they've sorted things out), Liz ‘Mr
Scarfe would you be happy to do me?’ (Ooher)
·
Bridge Café: Harrison and Elliott maintain Jeff
did not discuss costings, Jeff goes ‘why do they keep throwing me under the bus’ (he is obsessed with this cliché).
Elliott blames Sajan for the mood board, Ross struggling to trace
accountability.
Points in this section: Joanna loses 20 points for the shade by Jade, Bushra loses 25 points for not apparently being a good PM, Jeff loses 75 points (25 for criticism in point 2 and 50 for the use of the 'bus' phrase), Andrew and Elliott lose 40 points each, Ross gains 35 points (50 for being a good PM but losing 15 for struggling to hold anyone accountable), Sajan loses 10 points for Elliott's criticism, and Liz gains 200 for the 2 smutty remarks made in this episode.
Losing team BR:
·
Nice Heartbreak Hotel joke there LAS (he'd gain 90 points, but he's head honcho so he must be neutral)
·
Andrew is happy with the delivery of the room,
Harrison reckons worked well as a sub-team
·
Statement piece criticised, Sajan tries to
defend. Karren says Elliott decided on yellow (he makes good point that yellow
present throughout hotel) (I'll give him 10 points)
·
Ross wants to explain wallpaper without being
interrupted (60 points awarded for sheer audacity)
·
James asked if failure of task was with him
buying furniture, he says down to Jeff, Jeff tries to interrupt but James
deflects him well (15 points to James). Jeff criticised for telling customers the cost – Ross says
told him to not get into details, Jeff tries to pretend the figure for the room
cost came from the sub-team, Ross admits it was him (5 points to him for his honesty). ‘At least I’m honest’ about
not knowing high-end hotels - Ross (exactly what I just said, I'll take those 5 points back for you being unoriginal)
·
Jeff: ‘passing the buck’ (LAS) ‘ducked the
finances’ (Karren)
·
Ross: ‘articulate but naïve, asked for complete
silence, who does he think he is’ (LAS)
·
James: ‘can speak for himself’ (LAS) ‘not
cohesive’ (Claude)
·
Jeff’s paperwork said was a chameleon who could
adapt to any situation, so why duck being sub-team leader and not want to lead
on numbers? Where was the creativity? Doesn’t really answer and James repeats
the question. (Jeff will lose 300 points for behaving like a politician)
·
James told only way room would be 5* would be on
Crap Advisor, blames Ross. Jeff says Ross didn’t make a decision, Ross blames
Jeff. Ross says James has responsibility for furniture, Karren says furniture
better than wall feature. Jeff says failure was due to overspend (James) and
Ross agrees, James defends.
·
James told furniture was biggest thing and not
enough margin, Ross – unsure whether grabbed bull by horns, should have been on
other side of team (he did want to be LAS but the others forced him out of it!), Jeff talks well but not clear in stating what had been done
this week and last. James told furniture most important, but Jeff wouldn’t be
trusted with a hotel in Monopoly and therefore fired. James missed a trick,
doesn’t know who Ross is yet but is early in the process. (Right decision in my opinion, all Jeff wanted to offer was breakdancing and he wasn't even any good at that, it's like actors and the 'specialist skills' on their CVs that are actually fake)
·
Jeff feels not responsible for failure and
Ross/James threw him under the bus; he’ll host the show in 20 years time as he’ll
be ‘that damn successful.’
·
Andrew wants to know how girls can argue so much
and yet still win (Joanna says can keep personal away from professional)
'Roll Call' and the points tallies:
Cocked up the Numbers: Andrew (-95)
Waste of an Edit: Anisa (-55)
The Bell-End: Bushra (-180)
Vague and Sketch-y: Charles (+45)
He Called it Mellow Yellow: Elliott (-95)
He didn't 'Smash It': Harrison (-85)
He didn't 'Smash It': Harrison (-85)
Still Not Stella: Jade (-45)
I’m Only Supporting him because he’s Local: James (-50)
Break-Dancing Fool: Jeff (-700)
A Disruptive Influence?: Joanna (-380)
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Liz (+50)
Professional Northerner: Michaela (+220)
The Reluctant PM: Ross (+55)
Mood Board: Sajan (+70)
I’m Not Angry, I’m Just Disappointed: Sarah (-30)
Stitched Up: Sarah Jayne (-245)
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